Laughter is the Best Honor

23 years ago Saturday Night Live's Gilda Radner died of ovarian cancer, ending her short comic career that most people enjoyed. This past week in Englewood the club that supported Radner hosted a comic event for females that honored Gilda Rander. The event allowed female comics to show people just how funny they can be.

Most teenagers think they're funny as hell. The things they say, whether its "your mom" or "that's what she said" never fails to crack them up, despite the fact that others find it to be just plain perverted. As one of those teenagers that crack themselves up, I think that a comedy event is such a cool idea for teenagers to expose just how funny they are. I think that there should be more opportunities like this for teenagers to show their talents to the world.

Gilda Radner Comedy Hour

Don't Leave the Car Running!

Teenagers now are on the road, driving around with their friends, not caring that they're paying for the gas that goes into their car! Aside from that teenagers also don't take note of how dangerous driving can be, and the precautions one must take when operating a vehicle. Here's a tip: When pulling your car into the garage, be sure to take the keys out of the car!

An 82 year old woman in Wycoff left her car running in her garage for over 20 hours and died in her bedroom from carbon monoxide poisoning. The garage was unfortunately above her bedroom, so she was affected by the carbon monoxide and died. If anything, this is a sad story that highlights the need for all drivers to be aware of their surroundings, and make sure they do even the simplest of things, like turn the car OFF!

Wycoff Woman Dies

Teenagers: The Perfect Prey

On May 22, 2012, Antolin Garcia-Torres was arrested for the kidnapping and murder of a young teenage girl who was reported missing two months ago. The girl was walking to the bus stop from her house when she was kidnapped, and then later killed. The suspect in the case was arrested under suspicion in the case, and is thought to be the one who murdered the young girl after further incriminating evidence was found.

When is it safe for teenagers to walk around without having to think about the possibilities of being shot, raped, skinned, or murdered? It’s awful to think we live in a world where not one single child is safe, because of the sick person that is lurking behind the corner, waiting to abduct a child. Our parents grew up in a world where they didn't have to worry about some weird man sitting in his car waiting to kidnap a child. There were very few instances back then, but now, it seems that children left and right are being snatched up and viciously murdered. It’s a sick world, and we're the perfect prey.

Man Arrested for Murder

Success Soars In Local High School

Every teenager dreams of being successful, whether they're singing on stage, or playing on the field. For track star, Alexandra Cimino, success has come in many forms, and her recent recognition of Female Athelete of the Week has proved just that. It’s pretty cool to think that a teenager from our high school is given the title of "Athlete of the Week", seeing that she's paired up against great atheletes all over Bergen County.


Cimino has proven her success on the track and now is being widely recognized for it. This, gives hope to those who wish to follow their dreams like Cimino did. Who knows, maybe you, the person reading this article could be the next Alexandra Cimino, rising to stardom in Bergen County, all of the state, and the nation. Anything can happen if you put your heart into it.

Athlete of the Week

"Would You Like Some Fries With Your Fingertip?"

Most teenagers enjoy the hardy meal of a greasy burger and fries followed by a frosty or a soda. Its fast-food, and bottom line, it’s great. However, most people don't appreciate the presence of a body part in their food, like Arby's provided to one of their lucky costumers. A customer reported that they found a fingertip in their roast beef sandwich after one of the employees sliced their finger accidentally on the machine.

I just don't think I would appreciate a bloody fingertip in my sandwich, although I've never tried it. I find it really disturbing that Arby's just accidentally let that happen. That's like saying, sorry a clump of my hair fell in your sandwich. Needless to say I will not be perusing a lunch or dinner at Arby's anytime soon. Instead I think I'll stick to the classics: McDonalds, Wendy's, and Burger King. At least there I know I'll be paying for top notch greasy food.

Fingertip

Watch Out For Those Vigilantes

In the case that shook the world, new evidence is suggesting that the cases against George Zimmerman should be dropped. Though most feel that Zimmerman deserves to be freed, others feel that there is no excuse for taking the innocent life of a young boy. Although he did not intend for Martin to get killed, he did and people feel that this can't go without punishment.

As teenagers we know what it’s like to be allowed to walk alone without our parents, but this just proves the measures of precaution we need to take. Though some believe he was at the wrong place at the wrong time, or the fact that he provoked Zimmerman is beside the point, a young boy was killed. We need to become aware of what can happen to us if we don't start paying attention to our surroundings.

Zimmerman Case

On Second Thought, I think I'll Walk

Taking the bus in school is fun when you're young because you're always allowed to leave a few minutes earlier than everyone else. In high school taking the bus isn't nearly as cool as it used to be, as most students want to drive their own cars to school or get rides home with friends. Get ready to add another con to taking the bus because on May 16th a man in Atlanta, Georgia was seen holding a rifle, aiming it at a school bus filled with children.

I'm honestly not sure what goes through people's minds when they find the urge to shoot at a school bus with children. Fortunately for the students aboard the bus, witnesses chased the suspect away after watching his aim his rifle at the bus. He fled the scene but left the rifle behind, allowing police to use it to look for a potential suspect.

It's scary to think that children aren't safe riding the school bus because of sick people in the world. As for now, I would suggest kids stick to riding their bikes, walking, or finding a ride from someone they know. Until the suspect gets caught I don't think riding around in a big yellow target is the safest thing to do. But that's just me.

School Bus Shooting

The Driving Test Didn't Teach Me That!

For most teenagers, specifically at the age of 17, the driving test is the single most important test of their lives. It’s the test that determines if they'll be allowed to drive without their parents; one more step closer to freedom. Unfortunately, parallel parking and executing a few turns doesn't prepare teenagers for the real driving situations they'll face.

Today, May 17th, a California man was found deep in the woods after his car crashed a week before. Police said that the man survived without food or water for one whole week solely because he was unconscious and his body depended on stored energy. The man's family reported him missing a week ago after he failed to arrive at a family function, sending the police on a missing person’s case. Fortunately, the police found his body and were able to get him medical attention.

There are some things that the driving test can't teach us. In the events of a car accident, or severe incident we depend on our own instincts, not the fundamental lessons we learned down at Lodi.

Mother Knows Best

We all know the epic fight that ensues between us and our parents. We all know how angry we can get when they don't understand us, and how angry they can get when we don't obey them. The parent-teenager relationship is never an easy one, but never, would I imagine my own mother to shoot me dead.

Today in Port St. John, Florida, a mother shot and killed her four children before killing herself. Police are still investigating why she did it, but its apparent that there were some troubles at home. Its sad to think that the matriarchal figure of a family could snap and kill everyone..just like that. Sure were annoying, and we sometimes disobey our parent's request but NO ONE deserves to get shot. My own mother wouldn't even shot me, and considering what she has to put up with, its amazing I'm still alive.

If anything this event can teach us that although we don't understand where our parents are coming from nor do they understand where we're coming from, we can all work together to fix the situation. No matter how annoying a teenager can seem, there is no reason to shoot them!

Florida Mother Kills Children

World's Greatest Thief ...I Mean Teacher

 What would you say if the picture above was your teacher? Most teens can't picture their high school math teacher being the bad ass that they've heard about in movies, stealing money from a bank. Despite the fact that  there are no high speed chases or shoot outs with the police, the corruption in high schools is apparent, as seen in Lakota East High School, in Ohio.

The teacher who was also responsible for the prom at Lakota East High School stole the money that students were giving to her for their tickets, and left before they could get the money back. Teenagers are always butting heads with adults, especially teachers, because they are the authority that holds them back and keeps them in line. However, its funny when the teacher becomes the bad guy and the system gets tossed on its head. How are teenagers supposed to respect someone who steals money from them? What kind of person steals money from teenagers' prom?

Another Corrupt Politician ...You Don't Say!

It truly is amazing that our country is still functional with all the corrupt political leaders running our country. Between their never ending sex scandals, laundering of money, and the occasional drug or alcohol spout, politicians really have an awesome reputation.

John Edwards, the former U.S. Senator and 2004 Vice Presidential Candidate, is pleading not guilty to the accusations of campaign finance violation. So basically, he's going to lie in front of everyone about stealing money from his campaign. Sounds like a successful politician to me!

Maybe our generation will bring about the politicians that ruled with nobleness like Harry Truman, or Eisenhower; men we could be proud of. Perhaps it’s our duty as teenagers to become the leaders the people need. For our future politicians: make something of yourself that you can be proud of. Do you really want people to remember you as the scum bag who cheated on his wife?

The Horrors of Reality

Blonde Hair and Nice Body. She's every teenager's dream. But what would you think if I told you right now she's already lost her left leg and is in danger of losing her remaining limbs? Young Aimee Copeland, a 24 year old Georgia student contracted a flesh eating disease from a zip line accident and is now fighting to save her limbs and life.

On top of her illness the drugs used to save her life are also the drugs that are causing memory loss, forcing her parents to re-explain her injury each time she wakes up. As teenagers we rarely move outside our sheltered bubble that we call suburbia and learn about the real harshness of the world. And now, we are getting a taste of how cruel and frightening the world is; at any moment we could lose everything we've ever worked and lived for. Just like that.

High School Really Does Last Forever

......


"Yea, that's me....the high school bully."

In recent news the republican candidate, Mitt Romney was accused of being one of the several boys who bullied a homosexual teen, when he was in high school. Sure, it was a different time, but still, people normally don't stray from their old ways.

The best way for a teenager to get to know an adult is to compare them to a teenage version of themself. So the old angry man with the horn-rimmed glasses and the tight business suit was probably the same guy who sat alone at lunch and clinged to his school work. And I can only assume that the smug republican candidate, Mitt Romney was probably a classic bully who liked to put down others. He's what us teenagers call a douche bag.

Do I want a bully for a president? Probably not. Mitt Romney, take your scissors and go home!

And They Wonder Why We Shouldn't Have Phones...

It truly is a mystery why teachers won't let us teenagers use cell phones during class. Oh wait....maybe it could be the fact that teenagers in Kentucky were charged with filming up their teacher's dress with their cell phone. We have privileges as teenagers and to see kids blatantly jeopardizing them is ridiculous.

For those who do not know what they SHOULDN'T DO with a cellphone, here goes:
1. DON'T take naked pictures of yourself (unless you want to be arrested for child pornography)
2. DON'T take videos of teachers who don't want to be on the internet, especially of their private areas....seriously, that's just weird.
3. DON'T "sext"...grow up.

Follow those guidelines and use the slight judgment you have next time you're in a room with your cellphone and a teacher.

Student's take Innapropriate Video

NOT an Oscar Winning Film

When you venture into the mind of a teenage boy, you typically get three things: food, alcohol, and sex. Despite the scientific fact that man has evolved over time, most would beg to differ arguing that man's thoughts have stayed the same, focused on things most women find degrading, chauvinistic, and disgusting.

Defying the statures of most teenage boys in America, three young 6th graders in Mexico were found...(brace yourself) making a pornographic film in their school. Now take a minute and reflect on the past sentence....they were making a pornographic film...in their school. The three who participated were all males, and filmed themselves committing sexual activities in an empty school classroom during recess.

This story alone makes me worry about the future of our world if young children are finding amusement by making pornographic films. Maybe it was just me, but back in 6th grade I was oblivious to the real world: living in a protected bubble that sheltered me from words like: sex, beer, drugs, and condoms. Now, it seems like younger kids are taking the largest leap into adulthood, experimenting with things that most teenagers don't.

6th Graders Make Pornographic Film

To Protect and Serve (And Take Advantage)

We pass the same police officers on the street, glaring us as if were criminals. We watch the same complacent men stand and pull people over for speeding. Forgive me for generalizing but from the eyes of a teen, this is a police officer. Someone who is supposed to help and protect you, but in reality uses their flexibility with the law to commit crimes. 

Now, in no way am I saying ALL cops do this, but as of today, May 9, 2012, two southern police officers were ordered to stand trial for the murder of a mentally ill homeless person. Allegedly, the two cops from Southern California beat a mentally ill homeless man to death and are now standing trial because of it. How sick can people be to beat someone who hasn't done anything wrong? The disgust in the whole case circulates around the fact that the alleged murderers were POLICE OFFICERS! People who swore they would protect others turn out to be the criminals. 

Like Batman and the Joker or Snooki and Soberness, Teenagers often clash with people of the law. Now especially, its hard to give respect to people who blatantly beat others to death. Perhaps were not just teens in a "rebellious stage" but rather in a stage where were questioning the standards and rules of our society considering the fact that some of our law enforcement has turned their backs to us. 

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/doctor-chest-compression-led-ca-homeless-death-16308174

I Now Pronounce You...

As teenager's now, we'll be the people that make decisions about the future of our world. We'll decide what happens and what laws get passed. Scary isn't? Picture the kid in your grade whose constantly in trouble, failing out of high school...he'll be the president someday joining the ranks of the moronic leaders we've had.

As potential future leaders, a huge issue is brought our way: Gay Marriage. Is it right? Is it wrong? Do we want it passed? Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. If homosexual people want to get married, why stop them? They're not beasts or aliens, they're human! I love the states that pass laws to try to stop gay marriage like they're saving everyone from the anti-Christ. Of course they're the same people who are closet homosexuals (cough, Bachman's husband, cough). With North Carolina passing their anti-gay marriage law, they're truly setting us back. I think it’s time we stop living in a sheltered world, pretending that people should act a certain way. Its 2012, if you haven't learned by now, the world is made up of all people: good and bad. If we don't stop this absurdity, who knows what will happen.

North Carolina Anti-Gay Marriage

An Apple a Day

"What's that pod thing you're playing with?"
"It's an I-Pad Mom."
"All that technology is ruining our world!"

Excuse me ever so smart adults, but I beg to differ. Who knew that the same software that brought us Angry Birds and Temple Run would be the one to solve a murder case? In recent news A Massachusetts man murdered his wife, while their young daughter was video chatting with a friend. During the murder, the daughter's friend witnessed the entire murder, putting the Massachusetts man behind bars. So much for technology destroying our lives...LOL! (Okay maybe it’s condensed some of our vocabulary, but nothings perfect).

As the generation who will best be known for using their opposable thumbs to send rapid fire text messages it’s our duty to show the world that we’re not just lazy, fat, and mentally dependent on technology…we’re using it to our advantage.

So next time your parents tell you to put down your I-pod, or get off the computer, explain to them just how critical it is for you to use technology. It’s your duty.  And if they still don’t buy that bullshit…do it anyway.

iPad Video Chat Catches Murderer

"That's Why We Have off in November?"

Friends Re-Run. Sports Center. Modern Family. Seinfeld Re-Run. News....wait what?

For most teenagers tuning into the news is almost as bad as slowly pushing toothpicks into their eyes. Through the 5678 channels I have on my television, why would I watch the news to hear about presidential elections? I'm pretty sure most teenagers only know President Obama is our president because the line "my president is black" has been rapped about in some form in almost every song since 2008. Do I hate it? No. But do I really care whose president? No! I know its awful because we're supposed to be aware of whose running our country, but politics is filled with more bullshit than a Thanksgiving Turkey. 

A teenager's top priorities revolve around getting their license and being able to drink legally. Is it fact? I mean, I didn't see it written in a textbook but I'm sure if you stopped and asked a kind teenager on the streets or perhaps to a look at the wonderful invasive world of twitter you'd stumble upon something of that nature. We should take an interest in our President, but the sad fact is, we probably won't. 

It's truly an endless cycle when dealing with politics that goes something like this:

Child- "I want the one who has the elephant next to his name, because I like elephants!"

Teenager- "Oh, so that's why we have off in November. I thought it was one of those teachers conference things. I guess I'll go with the one who has the jackass next to his name. Ha, jackass."

Younger Adult- "I want the democrat! He has some pretty good ideas about running this country."

Older Adult- "Holy Shit, I'm going to be working until I'm 80 at this rate...which one of those idiots will actually do something to help?"

Senior Citizen- "We need that fine Republican to run our country. He's going to help us elderly people out instead of helping those bastards living off our dime!"

brb about to die #tanning

Teenage Girl 1: "Betch, lets go tanning I look so freakin pale. Its unhealthy."

Teenage Girl 2: "Same betch. I hate our lives."

Teenage Girl 1: Hashtag, White girl probs!"

If you at all find this conversation familiar than you know exactly what runs through the brain of a teenage girl. "How do I look?" As a teenage boy who takes an "interest" in the female body, I know just how appealing a girl with a nice tan looks, but I'd much rather have a girl who looks real, than something I can buy at bob's furniture store. Probably one of the greatest dilemmas of our generation is tanning and the effects that it has on our bodies. Sure everybody loves to look good, but at what cost? Are we willing to literally destroy ourselves for vanity? 

In recent news, a New Jersey woman was charged with endangering her child after the accusations that she brought her child to a tanning bed. Really lady? If you want to look like one of Willy Wonka's minions, then by all means go for it! But don't bring your kid with you! I know that with educational programs like "Jersey Shore" more people want to aspire to be like Snooki, browner than a leather couch and passed out on the boardwalk, but there are bigger things in life than that. Teenagers need to look past the 10 second beauty aspect and realize that the time spent in the tanning bed is time off their life. Sitting in a machine that literally cooks your organs...yeah, not a good idea. 

From a teenage guy's point of view I'd much rather have a nice girl who doesn't look like a washed out version of Snooki (which is really saying something). Be true to yourself and let people accept you for who you are....and yes, I did steal that line from a Disney Movie. What are you going to do about it?
 Tanning Mom stirs up Fear